This post was originally written in March 2014.

I haven’t written in a while. Mostly because I have been completely absorbed with my Self. Now usually I wouldn’t admit that (out loud). The truth is since I’ve moved to Austin and started culinary school at The Natural Epicurean Academy of Culinary Arts, I haven’t made time for anything else.

Being Self-absorbed is a full-time job.

Before I go any further, let me define “Self-absorbed” in the context I am writing about:

Self-absorbed: Taking the time to look within. Noticing and approving of (as opposed to judging and making wrong) your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

A few days ago a classmate of mine told me to get over myself after I shared that I carved my initials on the bread I made.

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As this next year approaches, I am reminded of how grateful I am to have you be in my community of freedom and truth-seekers. 

And with that being said, I want to share something with you that I haven’t told anyone. By the way, what you are going to read below is an excerpt from my book proposal that will be submitted to Simon and Schuster, one of the largest publishing houses in January!!!!! 

I am in an eight-week outpatient recovery program to address my past substance and alcohol abuse, as well as childhood trauma that has fueled much of the addictions I have struggled with throughout the years.

This past week I sat in a circle with others who were also in recovery. I was asked to share with the group some of the secrets I was holding on to as a result of my addictions. I had one particular secret there was no way I would want to divulge. It was more actually silly than anything, which is what made it even more humiliating for me to tell.

All I kept thinking was, “I cannot let these people know how ridiculous I am.” 

And, even though I had high self-confidence and self-esteem at that time, I was keenly aware there were things I was still holding onto—things I wasn’t ready to reveal to other people. My therapist looked at me and said, “Vasavi, this is a safe space. We are not judging you here.”

I took a deep breath, paused for a moment, and revealed my secret to the group. As I started reading what I had written down, tears formed in my eyes. I was so scared and, at the same time, I was excited to reveal a part of my shadow I’ve been masking for so long. I was overcome with emotion. I looked around the circle. Everyone looked at me with slight smiles on their faces. I was mortified.

I thought to myself, “This is it. They all think I am ridiculous.” What I didn’t know was I had completely misread their expressions. The truth was my story took them back to a time when they had told silly white lies to get themselves off the hook.

The biggest difference for me, however, I chose to share my secret with the person whom I had lied to. I felt freedom. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I also felt relieved. I felt exposed by revealing a dirty little secret to a group of individuals whom I had just met a few weeks ago.

However, at that moment I also developed a deep respect and admiration for who I was.

How did I allow myself to reveal who I was? There are a few key things I did:

Breathe. I had taken a deep breath before I was about to share something personal with strangers.

Speak your thoughts out loud. You live with the thoughts in your head, so choose your thoughts wisely. Talk to yourself like you would with a child or your best friend.

Perspective. The fear that you may have about revealing who you are is just a fear. When you project your fears onto other people, things, and circumstances, it amplifies the fear. Your fear starts to feel very real. Understand it is entirely up to you how you want to perceive yourself and the situation.

Facts versus Story. There is an enormous difference between the facts and making up stories in your head. Anytime you are scared of revealing who you are, it is an excellent opportunity to distinguish between what’s actually happening and what you’re making up in your mind.

When you take off the mask and reveal who you are, you can walk out the door comfortable in your skin.

You are confident about who you are. In this revealed you, you can have a genuine and meaningful conversation with someone you’ve idolized—without second-guessing whether you belong there. This doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily go deep into the discussion every time; you can be real and own who you are.

You can speak directly to the possibility of who they are instead of the persona the lie is feeding you. Just like the times you’re alone with yourself and sometimes feel like a complete stranger. No more thinking you have to arrive somewhere over there. The reveal can return you to who you knew you always were.  

If you are ready to reveal who YOU really are, then I am VERY excited to share that starting in January I will be opening up more slots for my group coaching program. Currently I run two group coaching circles, and I am looking to expand and invite YOU into these group coaching circles (which by the way is AH-MAZING). 

The breakdown of this group is this:

-we meet twice a month over the phone

-the group will have no more than 4 people

-60 minutes twice a month

-the cost in this initial phase of beta testing is $175/month/per person

-the commitment to be a part of this group is 6 months

Here is who this group is for:

-you want to stop telling yourself lies, take off the mask, and reveal who you really are

-you are ready to start living according to YOUR values, not the values of someone else

-you appreciate and can take direct feedback from me

-you feel foggy and are looking to get CRYSTAL CLEAR about every area of your life

Is this you?

If it is, the first step is to email me at info@vasavikumar.com and let me know that you’re interested by Sunday, December 21st 6pm PST. After I receive your email I will reach out to you to get to know you a bit better and then send you a link where you can make your payment as well as decide on which time slots work for your schedule to be a part of the group.

Sound good? YEY.

Love

Vasavi

I’m here in beautiful Santa Monica, CA for the next few days. I’ll be shooting videos with an awesome company called MindValley, and then will be on Nancy Grace on Monday (omg) talking about mental health.

Yesterday when I landed at LAX airport after a three hour flight, I took a shuttle to the AVIS rental car location where I needed to pick up my car for the week.

The line was LONG. Like out the door long..

And if you’re anything like me, you get exhausted from traveling.

I was contemplating going with another company but I figured since this was a busy time of day that there would be lines everywhere. I saw a man wearing an AVIS shirt standing outside. His job, I imagine was to pull the cars around for customers. I went up to him and started asking him how long the line would be, and if there was another option for me—perhaps paying a little extra to get on the “AVIS Preferred” line where I could avoid the wait.

Normally, I don’t mind lines at all. It gives me a good opportunity to check emails, people watch, and sometimes just BE and watch what’s going on around me and within me. But that day, I was hungry (more like HANGRY= hungry + angry) and extremely tired, as I am sure everyone else on the line was too.

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Yesterday I hosted three free calls to share four tips to reinventing your life. If you couldn’t make the call, no worries.

Here are the four steps to reinventing your life:

1. Be transparent and honest with yourself and AT LEAST one other person.

This first step is admitting that you are stuck. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. But as I have said over and over again, “keepin’ it real” with yourself is the ONLY way that any change can occur. Otherwise you’re just buying your own bullshit. That’s a road going nowhere. Start taking stock of the areas of your life that you just feel BLAH. Admit it to yourself. Honesty with yourself IS the best policy. (click to tweet)

Once you do that, share it with someone who you know has your back. More importantly, share it with someone who you trust, and know won’t sugarcoat things. Listen, we all have people in our lives that just tell us what we want to hear. That’s not helpful. At all. Talk to someone who you know understands you AND is willing to tell you the truth, even if it’s hard to swallow.

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