Hope you had a love-filled weekend

This was my first Valentine’s Day being “single.” And even though I believe that every day should be filled with love, Valentine’s Day just happens to be one of those glorified Hallmark holidays that often drive women (and some men) crazy.

You know what I mean?

I spent my Valentine’s Day with my two girlfriends, Neha and Jen. That’s us below.

Neha, Jen, and I

There’s something to be said about hanging out with friends, with no expectations of how things “should” be. Of course, a part of me got a little sad when I looked around the lounge that we were at and saw all these couple holding hands, and doing that cute nose-rubbing thing that couples do (I used to do that too).

And yes, I will admit, I had my “moment.” I was definitely “that girl” that was crying while my friend rubbed my back. Don’t you just love your girl (guy) friends?

This new season of my life has taught me so much about myself. I wanted to share two things that I have learned with you.

1. It’s imperative that we spend time with ourselves. This has probably been the most challenging lesson for me. For 10 years I was in a relationship. I had the comfort and security of knowing that no matter what, I had someone to lean on. Now being newly divorced and “single” I’m learning that being with myself, NOT having someone next to me at all times, can be lonely. Scratch that. Excruciatingly painful. I always thought I was the kind of person that didn’t mind being alone. Hell, I crave solitude. However, now that I am living alone, it’s a whole other set of circumstances that I am getting used to. I’m learning to be with the “aloneness” by spending time with my girlfriends, reading, catching up on movies, going for walks with my dog, cooking, and most importantly, just BEING with myself- no matter how lonely it feels. And oh by the way, it’s not easy.

2. We get to create. If you have been subscribed to my emails for some time now you know that this is one key message that I preach over and over again. Because it’s true. At any given moment, we get to create how we perceive things, our outlook on life, people, and places.. Being alone is teaching me more about my ability to create than ever before. See, when I was married, it was easy for me to expect my then husband to read my mind, or do things a certain way so as to “please” me, and vice versa. But that wasn’t a very realistic approach. In fact, it caused more harm than good. Any time we place our happiness and peace in the hands of another human being, we lose our power. Being alone is allowing me to really take charge of how I want everything in my life to look and feel AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT.

Something to think about:

How much time are you taking to just be with yourself? 

Where are you giving away your power?

What can you do to be the decision maker of your life?

Take what you will from these lessons and leave the rest if it doesn’t apply to your life in this moment.

I hope these two nuggets will contribute to your life in some way.

Here for you,

Love

Vasavi

It’s common to fall off the wagon with your New Year Resolutions. Luckily, you don’t have to stay fallen off. There are five things you can do to get back on track. 

I was recently on Good Day Austin and spoke about this.

Click below to watch.

Here’s a recap of the five things you can do to stay on track (if you’ve fallen off) with your resolutions:

1. Be realistic

Don’t get too extreme with your resolutions. For example, making a resolution to NEVER eat chocolate or drink wine is a surefire way to fail. Instead, set a goal that will set you up for success, such as limiting yourself to something 2 days a week. 

2. Plan ahead 

Most people who make their resolutions on New Year’s Day struggle with keeping up with what they’ve committed to. Whatever your resolution is be sure to plan ahead so you can get in a positive forward moving mindset. 

3. Talk about it

Don’t keep your resolution a secret. People who have accountability are more likely to keep up with their resolutions. This is where a tight support network of family and friends who will hold you to your resolution will increase the likelihood of you following through on your word. Find someone who shares the same resolution as you for an even stronger support. 

4. Celebrate yourself 

This doesn’t mean that you can eat an entire box of donuts. Celebrating your success means treating yourself to something that doesn’t have you regress in regards to your resolution. For example, if you’ve been sticking to your resolution to go to yoga everyday, celebrate by getting yourself new yoga pants or a new yoga mat. Or if you’ve been eating clean and healthy, celebrate by getting yourself a new cookbook that supports your resolutions.  

5. Keep at it

If you have fallen off the wagon or have given up by February, no sweat. Just start over. In life we are given multiple second chances. Just because you may have slipped doesn’t mean you don’t get to try again. Recommit to your resolution for at least one day. Those 24 hours will become 48 hours and so on and so forth. But the main intention is to forgive yourself, don’t beat yourself up, and try again. 

Hope this helps.

Love

Vasavi

This post was originally written in March 2014.

I haven’t written in a while. Mostly because I have been completely absorbed with my Self. Now usually I wouldn’t admit that (out loud). The truth is since I’ve moved to Austin and started culinary school at The Natural Epicurean Academy of Culinary Arts, I haven’t made time for anything else.

Being Self-absorbed is a full-time job.

Before I go any further, let me define “Self-absorbed” in the context I am writing about:

Self-absorbed: Taking the time to look within. Noticing and approving of (as opposed to judging and making wrong) your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

A few days ago a classmate of mine told me to get over myself after I shared that I carved my initials on the bread I made.

(more…)

As this next year approaches, I am reminded of how grateful I am to have you be in my community of freedom and truth-seekers. 

And with that being said, I want to share something with you that I haven’t told anyone. By the way, what you are going to read below is an excerpt from my book proposal that will be submitted to Simon and Schuster, one of the largest publishing houses in January!!!!! 

I am in an eight-week outpatient recovery program to address my past substance and alcohol abuse, as well as childhood trauma that has fueled much of the addictions I have struggled with throughout the years.

This past week I sat in a circle with others who were also in recovery. I was asked to share with the group some of the secrets I was holding on to as a result of my addictions. I had one particular secret there was no way I would want to divulge. It was more actually silly than anything, which is what made it even more humiliating for me to tell.

All I kept thinking was, “I cannot let these people know how ridiculous I am.” 

And, even though I had high self-confidence and self-esteem at that time, I was keenly aware there were things I was still holding onto—things I wasn’t ready to reveal to other people. My therapist looked at me and said, “Vasavi, this is a safe space. We are not judging you here.”

I took a deep breath, paused for a moment, and revealed my secret to the group. As I started reading what I had written down, tears formed in my eyes. I was so scared and, at the same time, I was excited to reveal a part of my shadow I’ve been masking for so long. I was overcome with emotion. I looked around the circle. Everyone looked at me with slight smiles on their faces. I was mortified.

I thought to myself, “This is it. They all think I am ridiculous.” What I didn’t know was I had completely misread their expressions. The truth was my story took them back to a time when they had told silly white lies to get themselves off the hook.

The biggest difference for me, however, I chose to share my secret with the person whom I had lied to. I felt freedom. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I also felt relieved. I felt exposed by revealing a dirty little secret to a group of individuals whom I had just met a few weeks ago.

However, at that moment I also developed a deep respect and admiration for who I was.

How did I allow myself to reveal who I was? There are a few key things I did:

Breathe. I had taken a deep breath before I was about to share something personal with strangers.

Speak your thoughts out loud. You live with the thoughts in your head, so choose your thoughts wisely. Talk to yourself like you would with a child or your best friend.

Perspective. The fear that you may have about revealing who you are is just a fear. When you project your fears onto other people, things, and circumstances, it amplifies the fear. Your fear starts to feel very real. Understand it is entirely up to you how you want to perceive yourself and the situation.

Facts versus Story. There is an enormous difference between the facts and making up stories in your head. Anytime you are scared of revealing who you are, it is an excellent opportunity to distinguish between what’s actually happening and what you’re making up in your mind.

When you take off the mask and reveal who you are, you can walk out the door comfortable in your skin.

You are confident about who you are. In this revealed you, you can have a genuine and meaningful conversation with someone you’ve idolized—without second-guessing whether you belong there. This doesn’t mean you’ll necessarily go deep into the discussion every time; you can be real and own who you are.

You can speak directly to the possibility of who they are instead of the persona the lie is feeding you. Just like the times you’re alone with yourself and sometimes feel like a complete stranger. No more thinking you have to arrive somewhere over there. The reveal can return you to who you knew you always were.  

If you are ready to reveal who YOU really are, then I am VERY excited to share that starting in January I will be opening up more slots for my group coaching program. Currently I run two group coaching circles, and I am looking to expand and invite YOU into these group coaching circles (which by the way is AH-MAZING). 

The breakdown of this group is this:

-we meet twice a month over the phone

-the group will have no more than 4 people

-60 minutes twice a month

-the cost in this initial phase of beta testing is $175/month/per person

-the commitment to be a part of this group is 6 months

Here is who this group is for:

-you want to stop telling yourself lies, take off the mask, and reveal who you really are

-you are ready to start living according to YOUR values, not the values of someone else

-you appreciate and can take direct feedback from me

-you feel foggy and are looking to get CRYSTAL CLEAR about every area of your life

Is this you?

If it is, the first step is to email me at info@vasavikumar.com and let me know that you’re interested by Sunday, December 21st 6pm PST. After I receive your email I will reach out to you to get to know you a bit better and then send you a link where you can make your payment as well as decide on which time slots work for your schedule to be a part of the group.

Sound good? YEY.

Love

Vasavi