Over the past 10 years, I have probably ended four friendships that at one point I thought were for sure going to be lifelong relationships. I was wrong. Turns out that not everyone wants to go on the same path as you. And, over the years I have also come to accept that that is A-OK. Have you ever had a friendship that fizzled? Maybe it’s because they lost interest or didn’t want to continue to put in the effort to nurture the relationship? Or, maybe it was because you started to become interested in others things and simply outgrew one another?
Hope you had a love-filled weekend 🙂
This was my first Valentine’s Day being “single.” And even though I believe that every day should be filled with love, Valentine’s Day just happens to be one of those glorified Hallmark holidays that often drive women (and some men) crazy.
You know what I mean?
I spent my Valentine’s Day with my two girlfriends, Neha and Jen. That’s us below.
There’s something to be said about hanging out with friends, with no expectations of how things “should” be. Of course, a part of me got a little sad when I looked around the lounge that we were at and saw all these couple holding hands, and doing that cute nose-rubbing thing that couples do (I used to do that too).
And yes, I will admit, I had my “moment.” I was definitely “that girl” that was crying while my friend rubbed my back. Don’t you just love your girl (guy) friends?
This new season of my life has taught me so much about myself. I wanted to share two things that I have learned with you.
1. It’s imperative that we spend time with ourselves. This has probably been the most challenging lesson for me. For 10 years I was in a relationship. I had the comfort and security of knowing that no matter what, I had someone to lean on. Now being newly divorced and “single” I’m learning that being with myself, NOT having someone next to me at all times, can be lonely. Scratch that. Excruciatingly painful. I always thought I was the kind of person that didn’t mind being alone. Hell, I crave solitude. However, now that I am living alone, it’s a whole other set of circumstances that I am getting used to. I’m learning to be with the “aloneness” by spending time with my girlfriends, reading, catching up on movies, going for walks with my dog, cooking, and most importantly, just BEING with myself- no matter how lonely it feels. And oh by the way, it’s not easy.
2. We get to create. If you have been subscribed to my emails for some time now you know that this is one key message that I preach over and over again. Because it’s true. At any given moment, we get to create how we perceive things, our outlook on life, people, and places.. Being alone is teaching me more about my ability to create than ever before. See, when I was married, it was easy for me to expect my then husband to read my mind, or do things a certain way so as to “please” me, and vice versa. But that wasn’t a very realistic approach. In fact, it caused more harm than good. Any time we place our happiness and peace in the hands of another human being, we lose our power. Being alone is allowing me to really take charge of how I want everything in my life to look and feel AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT.
Something to think about:
How much time are you taking to just be with yourself?
Where are you giving away your power?
What can you do to be the decision maker of your life?
Take what you will from these lessons and leave the rest if it doesn’t apply to your life in this moment.
I hope these two nuggets will contribute to your life in some way.
Here for you,
Which means today we’re going to be Keepin’ It Real (actually, that should be everyday 🙂
Today is an extra special episode because I have my girl, Sara Liz Davidson, right here from Kansas City join me on today’s Keepin’ It Real.
I love my girlfriends more than anything. But it wasn’t always this nice and sweet.
There was a point where I had very “iceberg” relationships (watch the video to know what I’m talking about).
One of the main obstacles that prevent people from having fulfilling and intimate relationships filled with substance is a lack of vulnerability. We walk around with these masks on our face, thinking we need to be someone else in order to be loved and accepted.
Well,, that’s WAY more work that just being you. And I understand. I was one of those people. I would say things to please people, I would do things to be accepted, and every time I wasn’t being 100% VASAVI— a part of me would die.
Watch today’s Keepin’ It Real with Sara and I where we talk all things, friendship, vulnerability, and keepin’ it real. By the way, if you are looking for a great read on this very topic, then I highly recommend Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly. Brene was featured on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday and she truly is a phenomenal researcher, storyteller, and expert on vulnerability. And, she’s a fellow Social Worker!!!!
Don’t try to win over the haters; you’re not a jackass whisperer. (click to tweet)
After you’re done watching, I would love for you to practice vulnerability in the discussion section below:
How do you know when you’re being vulnerable? How do you know when you’re wearing a mask? There is no shame in admitting if you have worn a mask. Most people DO!!!!!
I can’t wait to talk to you in the discussion below 🙂
Have a great week and here’s to you DARING GREATLY!!!!