If you’re prone to judging and making yourself and others wrong for their past, then I suggest you continue reading this:
9 years ago today. October 26, 2004.
I was using cocaine 3-4 days a week.
I was engaged in dead end relationships.
I had no purpose.
I hated myself.
9 years ago today.
I met Ashish. At the time my arrogance, which was nothing more than an overcompensation for my lack of worthiness and self respect, had me believing that he wasn’t good enough for me.
After all, I was the daughter of a cardiologist and CPA. (Note the false sense of pride).
And he, was simply a store owner running his father’s convenience store. (Note the cockiness).
Yet, with the prompting of my friend Kalyea, I marched into his store on October 26, 2004 and asked him out on a date. Actually it was more like:
“Hey you should take me out on a date sometime.”
But the truth was, I didn’t really believe that someone like ME could actually get a guy like him.
He was handsome. Kind. Friendly. Respectful.
And I was none of those things (in my mind).
To my surprise, Ashish said YES to taking me out on a date.
Many people don’t know this but the word Ashish translates to “blessing.”
And a blessing he was. And is.
Even though I didn’t think I was worthy of someone as awesome as Ashish, I still went after him. I wanted to believe that I was worthy of him and so much more.
So I did what I do best:
I faked it. To make it. Until I started to believe it.
It took a while for me to stand comfortably in the fact that this was real. That someone could love me for me.
Bipolar disorder, drug use, self-loathing and all.
But I allowed it in.
And from that day forward, I set in motion a path that I’ve crawled on, resisted, fought, and eventually surrendered to.
The path of worthiness.
And still continue on that path.
The lesson here isn’t to necessarily ask a guy or gal on a date (unless you want to).
The lesson here is to allow love in.
Even if you don’t believe you deserve it. Allow it in. Be with it. Get uncomfortable with it. Because eventually, love wins.
And love is everywhere. And you deserve it.
By now you have probably heard and read about my personal story of being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In case you haven’t, here is a quick recap:
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in December 2002. For almost years I was on heavy medication to “stabilize” my moods. In these past ten years I have successfully managed to get two Masters, an Ivy League education, become a certified coach, a best selling author, a radio show host interviewing NY Times best-selling authors, a bi-weekly spot on our local morning show, Kansas City Live, and create programs for people who want to shift their mindset so that they can experience freedom. Oh, and I got married and moved from NY to Kansas. And got a dog.
Last year I chose to get off medication once and for all. See, I believe no amount of medication can substitute our internal power. Thus, I got off.
And recently I heard from my husband these words, “Babe, every day you become more and more of the person who you are meant to become.”
My heart swoons.
Now let me ask you. Have you ever been in a funk? Hear me out. This isn’t about having bipolar, depression, or anxiety. This is about being human.
So, how do you stay positive when shit hits the fan?
Click play to learn how to create small shifts in your daily thoughts and activities so that you can experience long-lasting positive change.
Once you watch the video, I would love to hear in the comments below:
What small shifts will you make to experience positive thinking in your life?
P.S. NOURISH Retreat is officially open and accepting applications! Click here to learn more and APPLY today.
I’m about to share myself in a way that I have never shared with you for fear of not being loved and accepted. My commitment as the Keepin It Real Guru is to keep it real regardless of what you may think of me.
When is the last time you hurt another human being? Adam Lanza killed innocent victims and took his own life, but let us stop to think about the hurtful and painful words that we speak to one another, and the negative and hateful thoughts that we have towards ourselves and others on a daily basis.