August 21st, 2016
One of the biggest aspects of personal growth and becoming self aware is your relationship to your parents. Usually, when you still get triggered by your parents, or you find yourself seeking their approval in any area of your life, that is the biggest indicator that you still have work to do regarding your self growth.
Before you make decisions about anything, do you have to stop and consider what your parents would think about it?
Or if you make a mistake or do something that you think they wouldn’t approve of, do you hold back from telling them about it?
If the answer is yes, this is a huge red flag.
Why do they get to run your life?
Why does anyone get to run your life for that matter?
Why does it matter what they think?
You are no longer twelve years old anymore.
You no longer need to ask permission to go out and do what you want to do.
You’re not going to get grounded and shamed by your family. Well maybe you’ll get shamed.
You don’t live with your family anymore.
Your parents aren’t feeding you, clothing you, housing you, and paying for everything.
You are a “grown ass adult.” Or are you?
You get up in the morning, take a crap, and wipe your own booty. You don’t have mommy there changing your diaper. Cooking you breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Don’t act like you owe your parents anything.
Yes they raised you, taught you life lessons, took you on vacations, showed you right from wrong, protected you, and supported you when you needed it.
That is their job as parents.
They are supposed to do that. They decided to have a child. It’s not like you asked to be born. Even if it was unplanned, they still went through with it.
Therefore, it is their responsibility as parents to take care of that child.
It is very manipulative for them to act like, “Well since we raised you and did all this stuff for you, as an adult you have to act accordingly.”
Um, how about no.
The purpose of parents is for them to teach you everything that they have learned throughout their life, and then YOU apply the stuff that works. That doesn’t mean you grow up to be exactly like them, and do everything that they think you should do. You take the knowledge that they have imparted upon you and then you go out into the world and apply it to your life.
You are your own person.
You have your own identity.
I think the biggest flaws with most parents is they are always trying to protect you from hardship, and making mistakes, because they don’t want to see you hurt. That is just their natural inclination as parents. The fact is, the world is full of hardship, struggle, and mistakes and if you don’t get exposed to that early, it’s going to actually hold you back from being able to handle life on your own.
Humans are the only species where it takes eighteen years (or usually much longer) for them to release their young into the “wild.”
You don’t see lions, deer, dolphins, or any other mammal holding their children’s hands for that long. Most animals, and yes I said animals because that’s what we are, let their young run free. Learn lessons for themselves, make mistakes, and grow on their own. For the most part, we are coddled, protected, and sheltered from the world and then when we get thrown out into as adults, we are just pretty much big ass children.
This is why when we run into problems, decisions, or something we simply just think we “can’t” do on our own, we (most) immediately turn to our parents for help. Then we get upset when our parents criticize us, but the fact is you taught them that behavior. When you go to them for help all the time they are going to think you are incapable. Therefore they are going to question literally every decision you make.
The growth opportunity here is to realize, that you are capable of handling whatever comes your way.
No matter what it is.
You have your own inner strength without anyone’s help.
Think of the advice that your parents gave you more as a tool.
It’s not gospel.
If you don’t do exactly what they say you aren’t going to die.
You would be surprised what you can accomplish all on your own.
This is not to bash parents, or to say you don’t love them anymore and completely cut them off. On the other hand you can’t put them on a pedestal and think they know what is best for your life.
Because guess what?
They aren’t the ones living your life.
Boundaries need to be put in place in order to make them realize that you are an adult now.
You are allowed to make your own decisions and your own mistakes without being viewed as a child who doesn’t know any better.
Take control of your life.
Don’t let anyone else (yes even your beloved parents) control it for you.
Life is like a coin. You can spend it on whatever you want, but you can only spend it once.
Don’t spend it on what someone else tells you to.
Make your own decisions.
Or let someone make them for you and be resentful.
The choice is yours.
It’s easy to not recognize our own uniqueness or “specialness.”
I want to give you simple and actionable steps that you can take for the week ahead for you to increase your self-reliance, independence and uncover your true “specialness.”
I want you to be able to tell yourself every single day #imsospecial because…
This week, start paying real close attention to when you get triggered by your parents. If your parents are no longer with you, then start noticing when they’re “voices” control the decisions that you make.
Take a look at some of the “rules” you live by.
Are they rules that you have made for yourself?
Or are they rules that you were raised with as a child?
For example, your relationship to money is greatly influenced by how your mom and dad related to money in your presence. HUGE. So huge, that some of my clients have to work on this area of their life for years before they get to see that ultimately, they are in charge of how they choose to relate to money, or anything for that matter.
Write down all the “rules” you currently live by. Are they yours? Or your parent’s rules?
Do something different this week that will help you get closer to YOU.
Once you have identified at least five rules that you live by that no longer serve you, feel free to email me and let me know what you come up with. Be sure to subscribe below so we can do just that.
I can’t wait to hear more.
A favorite book of mine is The Conscious Parent, by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. Even if you’re not a parent, I think it’s a great read to understand a NEW way of parenting. You can apply her philosophy to almost every relationship in your life. Including yourself.
Want to work with me 1:1? Hop on the phone with me and let’s figure it out together. The fastest way to success is to work directly with someone who truly gets you and hears you. Click here to schedule some time for yourself with me and let’s see if we’re a good fit.