Do you suffer from an outdated identity?

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Did you ever stop to think how many of your personal goals are blocked because of actions (or inactions) you choose based on an outdated identity?

For example, a new client asked me to coach her on a relationship problem she was having with her husband. The first question I asked her was, “Who is your husband? Is he Mommy or Daddy?"

Of course, she was surprised. But I wanted her to focus the source of her problem. I wanted her to see that her relationship issue isn’t really about her relationship. In fact, it probably predates her relationship. It’s about her lack of awareness of her…


That’s the critical concept. I know this from personal experience, because I was in therapy for a long time. You may not know me too well yet, but I have a big personality. I like to talk, so I actually enjoyed therapy.

But sometimes my husband sits in silence. It used to really irritate me. And I discovered that his quietness reminds me of my mother, who was always too busy to pay attention to me when I was a child. So, although my husband is just a quiet guy, his quietness triggered my inner7-year-old thinking "Here I go, being rejected again."

When I shifted from therapy to coaching, my coach asked, “Vasavi, what are you an expert in?" And before I knew what I said, I answered, “I’m an expert in being a victim." Wow. But I really was an expert in blaming my mom and dad for everything they did to me while I was growing up.

You may have a different trigger in your life. But that’s how triggers work–they create repeating outcomes that lead to feelings of abandonment, rejection, unworthiness, unimportance or invisibility.

As adults we must cultivate awareness of outdated identities and its connection to blaming others for why we don’t have the successful job, happy relationship or financial status we want. If we let it, our faulty identity triggers stories we live over and over again, preventing us from our highest achievements.

Awareness gave me the power to say, “l don’t want to be stuck at age 7 anymore. I love myself. I love that inner child, too, but there’s no room for her on the road I want to travel." Awareness helped me translate my past identity into my present.

So here’s an easy way to start the year with your own self-reflection (and possibly a tune-up in your personal identity!)

Over the next few weeks, I’d like to send you my take on the "SOURCE of Your Success." I’ll be your catalyst through 6 modules to help you…

Encourage greater spiritual connection

  • Become aware of your triggers

  • Understand and live your purpose with clarity, owning all of who you are while turning you’re a-ha moments into action. I don’t believe in belaboring the past. It absolutely doesn’t matter. It’s over and done. Instead, I focus on bringing you to awareness, helping you move the source of your personal challenges from darkness into light.

    Awareness is so potent that once we know the source of our behaviors, we step into being a responsible adult versus a reactive child and achieve all the goals we wish for, including living life to its fullest.

    If you’ve ever been stuck because you felt disconnected from yourself and if you are comfortable exploring your spiritual side, I think you’ll enjoy my point of view.

    I tend to attract people who are spiritually sensitive and enjoy reconnecting with their spirituality. Your specific religion doesn’t matter. If you believe there is a higher being, something bigger and greater than you, then stay tuned. I’ve got some good stuff coming just for you.

    For now, please visit my website to learn more about my coaching practice on my welcome video

    Talk soon,


    Vasavi Kumar, Professional Coach, M.Ed., MSW

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    (o): 913.951.1764 (f):  913.273.7057
    an Affiliate of 
    Accomplishment Coaching

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    Vasavi Kumar Coaching, LLC 6800 W 138th Terrace Overland Park, Kansas 66223 United States (913) 951-1764